March 4, 2018
It’s nice out today.
Sunny, cool breeze and not too many clouds.
These are the days that I yearn for my childhood back because I’d be out ripping and running, having fun.
I’d be picking up the dandelions and kicking over mushrooms, just because it was fun to me.
Maybe go for a walk on the trail behind my house ,all the way down to the park just to sit by the lake.
But not today.
Today, my mind is so ready to accomplish any and everything on my mind and then some, but my body says “no”.
It feels like I’ve got these chains on, holding me back or like I’m stuck in mud, trying to crawl my way out.
The fatigue is unreal.
That’s the worst part about having Crohns Not the pain, not the chemo, no the needles, the fatigue.
There’s nothing worse than wanting to be able to do things, but you can’t because you have no energy.
It’s not just any fatigue, it’s an impossible to relieve, fatigue.
No matter how long I lay down, I still barely have any energy.
Then, at night time, my mind has the audacity to not want to go to sleep, so I have insomnia.
I have to take an insane mixture of things to fall asleep just for MAYBE two hours.
While everyone else is out enjoying the beautiful day, I’ll be in my room trying to remember what it was like to be free.